Harriette Cole: One of my bridesmaids didn’t show up for the wedding

DEAR HARRIETTE I in recent days got married and while largest part of the day went beautifully there s one thing that s really been bothering me One of my bridesmaids whom I considered a close friend didn t show up to the wedding Related Articles Harriette Cole Why would you take the side of the food police Harriette Cole The parents didn t tell me about the scary episode at the sleepover Harriette Cole I m feeling uneasy about what I did to help my friend Harriette Cole I feel violated even though technically nothing happened Harriette Cole My -year-old s day care meltdowns are a big complication She never informed me why We had been in touch leading up to the big day and as far as I knew everything was fine She had her dress she was at the wedding rehearsal and she seemed excited for me When the day came though she was just gone No text no call no explanation She didn t reach out the day of and she hasn t reached out since It s been weeks I ve gone back and forth between being hurt confused and angry Part of me wants to call her and ask what happened but another part of me feels like the silence speaks for itself I m trying not to let this overshadow such an significant time in my life but it really stings especially since she was someone I thought would be standing beside me for such a big milestone Should I reach out or let the friendship go Missing Bridesmaid DEAR MISSING BRIDESMAID Reach out to her You didn t say if anyone else has given you a assessment about her If you have not heard anything you should be worried that something bad happened to her It is odd for a bridesmaid to go AWOL for a wedding Something critical must have happened to stop her from showing up She may be embarrassed that she ghosted you Who knows There is one way to find out Reach out to her and ask her what happened From there you will know whether you should be concerned for her well-being You can also ask whether she demands help Try not to let this affect your friendship unless she clearly indicates that it should DEAR HARRIETTE Throughout my childhood my parents were not exactly kind They were often pitting their children against each other using religion to justify harsh punishment and ridicule and being verbally abusive When I was they kicked me out and I went to live elsewhere It s almost a decade later and things are strained at best My extended family encourages me to stay in touch with my parents and while I do try I feel tired Every talk with them is filled with criticism and hate and I feel anxious about picking up the phone or going to their house My mother threw a fit before my wedding day causing me to feel nervous the entire day hoping she wouldn t explode To be honest I did not want them there I am struggling to be a good daughter and keep my sanity I don t want them in my life Do I say something to them or do I just fade into the background Pointing out their behavior results in screaming crying and them insisting that they re doing their best Related Articles Miss Manners I informed the tiresome texter to cut it out and he got mad Dear Abby I don t think I owe my diva stepdaughter an apology Asking Eric My wife thinks she s the reason they keep backing out of our plans Harriette Cole Why would you take the side of the food police Miss Manners She was late so I left Was I the rude one I can t handle any more from them and I am searching for a good therapist to help me come to terms with everything Desperate Daughter DEAR DESPERATE DAUGHTER Live your life Stop reaching out to them You do not have to put yourself in an abusive setting even if it is with your parents They threw you out long ago Stay out You should definitely engage a therapist to help you heal your heart Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO