Dear Abby: What do you say to someone who’s dying?

Dear Abby What do you say when going to visit a not-so-close relative who is dying I have an aunt who has been diagnosed with late-stage cancer and has in the last few days gone on hospice She may have one to four months to live I used to spend time around her during family functions when I was younger but I haven t seen her in at least a decade now although we live in the same town I m good at making small talk under normal circumstances and I know how to write nice cards for birthdays and such but what do you say to someone who s dying whom you haven t talked to in a long time You can t ask How have you been or treat them like it s the last time you ll see them even if it may be I d like to visit her before she passes but I am at a loss for words Please help Clueless Nephew in Idaho Dear Nephew Much depends upon the condition your relative is in when you visit Keep in mind she may have specific things she would like to say to you That disclosed chosen things you might convey Thank you for seeing me I know it has been selected time since we ve seen each other but I yearned to come and tell you how much I inevitably enjoyed and appreciated the time we spent together at all those family functions THANK YOU for that I won t stay long because I don t want you to waste your vitality but you need to know that I love you and constantly will Understand that your presence there is as central as anything you might say to her Remember that if you get stuck for words Dear Abby I ve been with my husband for years As in all marriages we ve had our ups and downs but in recent months I can hardly stand to be around him He has been scammed a couple of times and he gets furious when I try to warn him they are scams We have separate bank accounts and I have made him start giving me the money for his share of the household bills when he gets paid so he doesn t blow it Now if I ask him where he spends his money he ignores me Last night he demanded me what I had bought from a specific place I requested him why I needed to tell him because he doesn t tell me where he spends money He mentioned Because you re my wife and I love you When I appealed why the opposite doesn t seem to apply he of program stated nothing Later he urged if I was mad and I stated him I m more hurt than mad He didn t say anything the rest of the night and this day he acts like every other day which means very little interaction I don t know what to do anymore Do you have any advice Frustrated Wife in Iowa Dear Wife You bet I do If ever I ve heard about a couple who necessities marriage counseling it s the two of you Marriage and family therapists hear about this sort of thing often Ask your practitioner to refer you to someone licensed and qualified to help you and your husband over this rough patch Dear Readers Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day I add my own prayer of thanks for those courageous men and women who have sacrificed their lives in provision to our country May they rest in peace Love Abby Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA