Dear Abby: Alcohol is third wheel in relationship

Dear Abby My fiancee and I have been arguing almost every day We have been verbally and emotionally hurting each other I love her very much but she has a severe alcohol disorder and I want her to stop drinking She keeps begging me for money whenever she runs out of her own She wants me to buy her more alcohol but I refuse She has been mean and abusive to the people she loves including me I suffer from anxiety and depression and see a therapist to deal with my mental wellbeing My therapist suggested that my fiancee and I have couples counseling but we are on a waiting list I am also looking into attending Al-Anon meetings for sponsorship I don t know what else to do to save my relationship Please help Depressed in New York Dear Depressed Between you and your therapist I d say you have your ducks pretty well in a row Because you and your alcoholic fiancee are wait-listed for couples counseling start getting more of the emotional assistance you need by attending those Al-Anon meetings Dealing with an angry manipulative addict can be soul-crushing Joining that region will give you insight and perspective Please remember that saving your relationship isn t a solo effort At a few point your fiancee must decide which to choose her drinking or you If she can t give up the bottle you may need to save yourself I am glad you have a therapist Dear Abby I m years old and have a friend from the military I ve known for more than years A couple of years ago he appealed to move into my one-bedroom apartment to help him deal with retirement and straighten out his bills debt and child promotion I agreed because I had started working on the road and wasn t in a relationship He sleeps on the couch and I m fine with that He also helps with half the rent and the utility bill The dilemma is when I come home from the road I find he hasn t cleaned AT ALL He keeps my place very dirty The AC is filthy the bathroom is moldy and messy from his hair dye and the kitchen is greasy from his cooking My living and dining rooms are full of his stuff He also doesn t take hints when I have company over I love him like a brother but I need him to leave I do worry about paying my full rent and the mail that accumulates in my absence He doesn t even bother to let me know about critical mail when it arrives I love the patronage he s given in the past but it has run its syllabus What should I do Good Buddy in Virginia Dear Good Buddy I will assume that in the past you have stated your roommate that you didn t like the shape your apartment was in when you returned from the road If you didn t you should have Because you want him out tell him that you now want the place to yourself and set a date for him to find another place to live If you don t speak up and draw the line it will never happen Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA